125 Kinderkamack Rd
Montvale
On Wednesday night I headed to The Porter House in Montvale. It was the night before
Thanksgiving, which is the busiest drinking night of the year, so I have to review it with
that in mind. The first thing that made me realize that I was no longer in South Jersey
was the cover charge of $5 at the door. I would expect this at a club with a dance floor
or maybe if there was a cool band playing, but no. It was just a regular bar. Soon after
getting inside I determined why there was a cover. It was packed. My friends got there
early and managed to find a few tables in the corner in an out of the way place, but we
were trapped in our little corner. Trying to make it to the bathroom was a pain in the
nut sack.
I went to the bar to get a frosty glass of Yuengling. What I got instead was a frosty
plastic Solo cup of Yuengling. Memories of college came flooding back. The memories
vanished however, when the beer cost me $5! Sure we drank out of Solo cups in
college, but $4 was enough to drink all night. Holy crap, I spent over $30 and only
bought five drinks!
Speaking of college, I think most of the people there were college age kids coming
home for the holidays. The crowd was young and most of the women there were
hotties. I ended up leaving at about 12:30 and there was a line of people still trying to
get in. I felt like an old man.
Good Point about the bar: I can't really describe it, but the atmosphere was really cool.
It was dark and mellow in our little corner. The music wasn't too loud so you could hear
the person you were talking to. Plus there were stools and a bench that went around
the wall, so there was always a place to sit down.
Bad Point about the bar: 5 plastic cups of Yuengling: $30. To close a bar like this, I
would have to sell a kidney. To close the bar however, I would probably need two
functioning kidneys, so you can see my dilemma.
White trash factor (1-10): 1 - It was far too expensive for white trash, so there were
none.
Chachi Guido factor: 6 - There was nobody wearing muscle tee's or gold chains, but
there was a good amount of slicked back hair and clothes that were far too tight for the
people wearing them.
Ratio of girls to guys: 1/4
Crowd density: High
Age of the crowd: twenties
Overall rating: 6 - Due to the high prices and the high crowd density I normally would
have given this bar a much lower rating. I'm going to cut it some slack though because
it was the night before Thanksgiving, it was an attractive crowd and all of my friends
were there, so I had a great time. I heard through the grapevine, that some really
trashy bars in the area were also charging a cover.
