38 Tuckahoe Rd
Dorothy, NJ 08317
(609) 476-3828
Well, I don’t even know where to begin with this one. I want to warn you up front that
this one is going to be vulgar. I met some interesting characters here. I went to the
Root Cellar Tavern a few weeks ago, but I forgot a lot of stuff, so I decided to go
back. The last time I was here there was a man passed out on the bar. I think he
might have been dead, but I really didn’t want to check. Apparently, neither did
anybody else.
I took the day off from work to get a ton of personal stuff of my own done. At about 3
o’clock in the afternoon I was finished, so I got on my Harley and rode into Dorothy.
Before I even walked in the door I knew what type of crowd to expect. If they were
there drinking at 3 on a Thursday afternoon, then they probably didn’t have jobs.
They were going to be a hard drinking crowd.
When I walked into the front door, it was tattoos, beards and bandanas as far as the
eye could see. And that was both the men and the women mind you. Although I was
trying to look all tough and biker like, they saw right through my guise the moment I
walked in the door. Maybe it was because I was clean shaven, maybe it was
because I had taken a shower recently or maybe it was because I use words like
“guise” as opposed to random curse words.
The bar was very long and I sat down at one of the few seats still available at the
opposite end of the bar. The bar had large mirrors behind it and was in good
shape. There was a pool table and a jukebox as well as a few high top tables. I
ordered a draft beer and it was only $1.50! Here was the weird thing. It seems that
every blue collar bar that I go to, everyone is drinking out of small beer mugs. When
I ordered the beer, she gave me a normal sized pint glass. What’s the deal with
that? Why does everyone always drink out of these smaller mugs and why did she
give me a normal glass? If someone could please answer this for me, I would be very
appreciative.
I was minding my own business when I met “Spanky”. He was a middle aged biker
who apparently was affiliated with a local biker gang. He started in about how if I
have a Harley, then I should just go up to women and say, “I have a Harley, let’s
fuck!” He continued to tell me stories about how many times he did that and how
many women he slept with whose names he didn’t even know. He told me that that
was what owning a Harley was all about. He then proceeded to ask every woman
there if they wanted to fuck. He must have said the f-word 100 times. This went on
for at least 15 minutes. His other favorite catch phrase was, "Ass, gas or grass,
nobody rides for free." I think I forgot to mention this before, but he wasn’t sitting
next to me either. He was sitting towards the other end of the bar. So he was yelling
all this down the bar to me as loud as he could. Then he told me that I was too pretty
and I had to ugly up a bit. He demanded that I come back in a week after I made the
necessary changes.
At this point my food came, so Spanky focused his attention elsewhere. The
bartender, Judy, smelled something bad behind the bar, but she couldn’t place the
smell. Spanky suggested to the entire bar that it was her vagina, except he said it in
a far cruder way. Then he asked Judy’s brother who was also there, to bend over
and smell his sisters crotch. Once again, he said it in a far cruder manner than I am
willing to write. Again this went on for about 15 minutes. Amazingly, Judy found all of
this amusing. By 5:00 or so, everyone started leaving. I finished my last beer, said
goodbye to Spanky and assured him that I wouldn’t let the Harley name down.
Good point about the bar: They made a kickass chicken cheesesteak.
Bad point about the bar: That fowl mystery odor.
White trash factor (1-10): 10 all the way
Ratio of girls to guys: 1:3
Crowd density: Medium – The bar was pretty full, but there were a few seats.
Age of the crowd: thirties to sixties
Overall rating: 7 - I love bars like this. There are always rowdy people and
interesting characters. I rarely leave a bar like this without an interesting story. The
people say what they want and have very little inhibitions. They are there for two
reasons; to drink heavily and have a good time. They are my kind of people. The
picture is from the first time I went, hence the fact that it's dark.
